Month: April 2019

Walking away from relationships

Walking away from a relationship:

Whether it’s in business, intimate relations, family or friends, ending relationships are usually pretty tough to do.  What I’ve found works best is not violating two principles:

    Don’t lie

    Don’t harm

And, of course, our natural reactions are the exact opposite:

    When we’re fearful we make up lies to try and ‘let’ them down easy

    When we’re angry we do harm by making them feel it’s their fault

It’s no mystery why we behave the way we do when we look back at our ancestry.  In the old days, anger and fear kept us alive.  We still carry those responses inside us big time, so when tough situations happen, and walking away from a relationship can be very tough, we revert back to our fight and flee instincts.  

When I started to try something different; not lying or doing harm, I started to see many different results.  Over time I started to see this new strategy was far superior to my anger and fear.  Now, when I need to separate from someone it’s not nearly as painful because I’m showing respect to the person I’m leaving and doing all I can to make it as peaceful as possible.   This allows me to not be afraid of moving on and knowing no matter how the other persons feel about my actions, I’ve done the best I could

Note:  Not lying in the context I’m referring to is to only share whatever truth I can that won’t belittle the other person.  This sometimes is the hardest part but it makes me think through why I have to leave and word it in a way that makes it about me, not them. …

Getting in Control

When our mind is clear things seem so easy.  But when life gets complicated, our minds can get stressed.  Being in control might be easy when things are good, but not so much when life gets complicated.  To be under control when it’s tough takes practice, like anything we want to be good at.  The easiest way I know to practice is to observe when I’m getting worked up by something.  When I notice I’m getting bothered and before I go over the edge, I try and ‘step back’ until I’m mentally settled down before I proceed.  Super improves decision making and helps to avoid stupid emotional actions.  It’s a simple process that’s working wonders for a lot of us.    …

Depression

All alone.  Not a good place to be when we’re depressed, but a place we seem to find when we are depressed.  Most of us suffer depression at one time or another.  Some of us are the lucky ones who don’t visit that city too often.  Suicides now out-number deaths by breast cancer and driving fatalities combined.  A prominent University is hanging nets under bridges students are using to commit suicide.  The largest increase in suicide is in the over 50 crowd.  Mass shootings, aside from terrorist attacks, seem to have separation and/or depression somewhere in the shadows.  It’s becoming clearer that mental health is becoming a major problem for society.  As automation and technology is drastically changing the workplace, the future is concerning.  Finding the answers to the issues of depression will benefit us all.  A big job for sure.  We can do an important part by reaching out and letting those we interact with know we value them.  Sending others your wonderful energy feels good and does them so much good.  When we as a society make supporting others more important than trolling and throwing shade on others, I believe then we’re headed in the right direction.  Unfortunately, not the normal human response.  Be different!!

Coach Bob-knowledge+action=success. @realchangecoach