Month: May 2019

Changing our software

The more we understand how to use the software, the more value we get out of our computers and phones.  Fortunately, we don’t need to know the underlying code, our desktop does just fine.  Everything technological is happening behind the desktop.  In a certain context, we view our everyday life as our ‘desktop’.  We know little of the place where our thoughts, emotions, and actions come from.  We know it has something to do with our brain and what is happening in our unconscious, but most of us know little more than that.  And we don’t need to know more than that.  But if we did, would it make a difference?  When it comes to fixing a computer or phone, you need to know what’s behind the “desktop”.  I wonder if the same holds true for us.  Would we be able to change and ‘fix’ ourselves quicker and more efficiently is we could look behind our desktop?  Is knowing who we are and why we do what we do valuable information for change?…

When I use this, it works great. The problem I’m having is I ‘forget’ I haven’t checked myself until after I’ve lost it. Any suggestions?

What you’re feeling is very normal.  Remember, the way our brain works is we need to build new passageways up in our head to be different.  Since you’re just starting to build them it takes time until they’re ‘strong’ enough to become habit. Just keep doing the experiments and you’ll find over time you’ll not only catch yourself when you start losing it, you’ll find you won’t need to do it as much because you’re more under control!

What’s a simple technique I can use when I ‘catch’ myself so I have a set way of getting back in control:

The easy one I use is just to take slow deep breaths while I remind myself I’m experimenting with what happens when I calm down and get back in emotional control before I proceed.  The key is to catch yourself; that’s the hard part because that’s how we’ve been reacting most of our lives. Most of us find that once we catch ourselves, just a few slow deep breaths while reminding ourselves of why we’re doing the experiment gets us stable again.   If this doesn’t work you need to experiment with changing your point of view through using the ‘storytelling’ techniques.

Optimal Performance

What are the fundamental aspects of a great performance?  Seems to me there are two concepts that come together whenever we experience the best we’ve got.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a test in school, interviewing for a job, parenting our children, or dealing successfully with relationships.   First, having the correct information up in our brain to do the performance seems essential, and secondly, having no fear/tension before or during the performance.  And the more important the performance, the tougher it gets to handle the situation.  We ‘choke’ when we can’t tone down the fear to a manageable level.  Doesn’t matter if the performance is competitive, social, romantic or work-related.  Being in control when it’s important is a super valuable skill that can be learned.  …

Overcoming our fear

Worry and concern!  Two concepts that follow us around for a lifetime.  They’re built into our make-up and they’re not going away anytime soon.  So, instead of worrying, I try and tone it down when it surfaces because when I send my worry and concern into what I’m involved with it increases the time it takes and reduces the quality.  It can be very difficult to do at times.  What’s been good lately, is although my worries and fears can grip me tightly, I no longer have to act on them!  And the more success I have the quicker I can loosen their grip.  When we understand our worries and concerns are just part of who we’ll always be, instead of what has to dictate our behaviour, it changes the game.  We see we can’t help but worry, but we see our worry, not as the truth, just the product of how we’re wired.  We see we have other choices.  We can see when we feel the worry we can step back and get back into control.  As the successes pile up, our confidence grows, and the process gets easier.…