Coach Bob

Who are we—Part 1

Every day we go around having thoughts in our head and emotions running around in our bodies.  Science is pretty clear on the fact our thoughts combine with our emotions and make us take the actions we do.  If I were to ask you where your thoughts and emotions come from, how would you answer?  I ask this of the people I coach when I first meet them, and like me when first asked, they have no clue.  It still seems strange to me that we don’t really care where and how we create what makes us do what we do.  We simply follow our thoughts and emotions wherever they take us.  Hate to say it but in many ways, we’re robots to our thoughts, emotions, and actions.    What I’ve experienced is the more I know about why I do what I do, the more control I develop over my actions.  Very valuable stuff. When I first started on my journey of trying to understand the human condition the question of where my thoughts and emotions come from didn’t even enter the picture.  It wasn’t until I started investigating the latest neuroscience had to offer I ran into where our thoughts and emotions come from.  Although we still know very little how all the processes in our brain actually work, we’re starting to get a glimpse into what’s going on up in our head and it’s pretty remarkable!  So, the answer to the question of where our thoughts and emotions are created is:  In the unconscious part of our brain.  How our brain turns this unconscious process into our thoughts, emotions, and actions will be investigated in Part 2.   …

Importance of energy

Many years ago when I started my searching I stumbled on to the idea ‘energy’ had something to do with what life is all about.  It just made sense to me if all matter is made of energy since I’m made of matter I’m made of energy!  Spending the last 25 years trying to figure out what ‘energy’ is all about has been a wonderful, if not confusing at times, journey.  What’s cool now is I’ve broken it down into simple concepts so I can use my knowledge of energy quickly and efficiently.  An example would be when I’m feeling restless about anything.  I’ve learned when I allow my ‘restless energy’ to be controlling my thoughts and actions everything seems to be a struggle.  And conversely, when I’m feeling wonderful, everything seems to be almost effortless.  What this has convinced me to believe, at least for now, is how my ‘energy’ is flowing through me has a lot to do with the quality of my life.  I see taking care of my ‘energy’ as a way to do a very valuable exercise; practising a very high level of self-love. …

Learning from mistakes

Learning from mistakes

Our mistakes can tell us exactly what to do next.   Unfortunately, instead of learning from our mistakes our tendency is to blame ourselves or others.  We do this when we wallow in our anger and fear and prolong the process.  The opposite reaction to a mistake is to see it as telling us what we need to work on; what we need to understand better.  Turning the experiences we have when we make mistakes into a wonderful learning experience is not the easiest thing to do, because we’re wired to our angry and fearful responses to mistakes.  But over time, learning from mistakes becomes a super productive habit.

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Using your point of view to enjoy life

A car pulls out in front of us, almost hitting us.  This moment is a great example of how important our point of view is to our happiness and success.  Let’s review a few different points of view we might take:

We could see the other driver as a jerk.

We could see them as an old person who shouldn’t be driving. 

We could see them as mentally challenged and cut them some slack. 

We could see them as just getting the news an important family member died. 

I could list limitless examples of the different points of view we could take.  Which one would be right?  How could we ever know?  Since we can’t possibly know, would having a point of view that settled us down so we could enjoy the rest of the ride make sense?  Or do we want to lose control and dive into some level of road rage?  Why wouldn’t we choose a point of view that made us feel good?  Why do we always want to express our anger?  It’s the difference between a relaxing drive and a totally chaotic one.  Although our wiring has us choose anger, through practice, I’m learning to enjoy the experience of driving by choosing a context that supports my enjoyment.   …

Being productive in a group setting

When we join with others to get a job done what role can we play to contribute our best effort?  Certain points stand out:  I don’t want to bring my anger or fears to the situation; they’ll be plenty of that from the others.  I want to listen to what others have to say so I take in all the different points of view, so I understand what the group is thinking.  When things get chaotic, I can remind everyone our frustrations aren’t getting us anywhere.  I can lend support to others where my talents apply.  I can carefully word my constructive criticism so as not to offend others.  I can remain calm and open when others criticize me and not try and defend my position, instead, letting them know I appreciate their point of view.   These are just a few of the ways we can contribute to a well-managed project.            …

Making changes

What’s makes us change our mind?   In most cases, we’re exposed to something new and it works!  So, when we want to change anything in our life, exposing ourselves to new successful experiences seems like a must.  Moving further down the rabbit hole of changing our mind, it appears we could save ourselves a lot of trouble if we somehow knew what new experiences we needed ahead of time, so we didn’t have to experiment through trial and error.  An easy way I use to know when and if it’s time for me to change my mind is when I start getting bothered.  I know if trouble shows up, I’m the best I can be when I’m in control of my emotions, not being led by my anger or fear.  By getting in control I’ll see clearly what, if anything, needs to change.        …