Coach Bob

Learning from losses and setbacks

What are the lessons to learn from our big losses or setbacks?  When we’re informed of some really bad news what’s the way to get back into control so we can handle the damage?  It’s hard to concentrate on these important questions when we’re at ground zero.  What doesn’t change is the fact the sooner we can compose ourselves, the better off we are.  Once we get through the initial ground zero it’s time to take some quiet time to settle down and think through what happened.  ‘Knee-jerk’ reactions to bad random events usually make matters worse.  Taking time to learn from what just went down can be of enormous help as we move forward.  Big losses or setbacks inflict pain, that’s true.  But the event will pass and the more we learn from it the better our future.        …

Relationship stress

 ‘Relationship stress’ sucks!  And managing that stress takes a lot out of both parties.  Relationships cut across every area of our life, and the degree we successfully navigate these relationships is critical to our happiness and success.  The approach I’ve found best is not always the easiest one to do but is surely the one that gives everyone involved the best result.  And it works no matter what type of relationship we’re dealing with; family, social network, partner or business.  I just try to ask myself this simple question: “Am I better off sending the situation my anger or fear, or better off sending them my peaceful energy?”   Certainly not always easy to do, but when possible, always seems to yield the best result …

Patience

We all know it’s a great skill to possess when it’s appropriate.  When we recklessly speed ahead instead of slowing down and getting back in control, trouble usually follows.  I’ve noticed there’s one occurrence that gets us recklessly speeding ahead.  It’s when random events alter our best-laid plans.  Been happening to me my whole life, and probably you also.  Now, when these random events happen, instead of a knee jerk reaction of anger or fear, I use the skill of being patient to wait until I’m back in control.  When we use the skill of patience to stop us from following our anger and fear; our fight and flee genetics, and wait until we’re under control before we proceed, we win big time!        …

Changing our software

The more we understand how to use the software, the more value we get out of our computers and phones.  Fortunately, we don’t need to know the underlying code, our desktop does just fine.  Everything technological is happening behind the desktop.  In a certain context, we view our everyday life as our ‘desktop’.  We know little of the place where our thoughts, emotions, and actions come from.  We know it has something to do with our brain and what is happening in our unconscious, but most of us know little more than that.  And we don’t need to know more than that.  But if we did, would it make a difference?  When it comes to fixing a computer or phone, you need to know what’s behind the “desktop”.  I wonder if the same holds true for us.  Would we be able to change and ‘fix’ ourselves quicker and more efficiently is we could look behind our desktop?  Is knowing who we are and why we do what we do valuable information for change?…

When I use this, it works great. The problem I’m having is I ‘forget’ I haven’t checked myself until after I’ve lost it. Any suggestions?

What you’re feeling is very normal.  Remember, the way our brain works is we need to build new passageways up in our head to be different.  Since you’re just starting to build them it takes time until they’re ‘strong’ enough to become habit. Just keep doing the experiments and you’ll find over time you’ll not only catch yourself when you start losing it, you’ll find you won’t need to do it as much because you’re more under control!

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