Coach Bob

Walking away from relationships

Walking away from a relationship:

Whether it’s in business, intimate relations, family or friends, ending relationships are usually pretty tough to do.  What I’ve found works best is not violating two principles:

    Don’t lie

    Don’t harm

And, of course, our natural reactions are the exact opposite:

    When we’re fearful we make up lies to try and ‘let’ them down easy

    When we’re angry we do harm by making them feel it’s their fault

It’s no mystery why we behave the way we do when we look back at our ancestry.  In the old days, anger and fear kept us alive.  We still carry those responses inside us big time, so when tough situations happen, and walking away from a relationship can be very tough, we revert back to our fight and flee instincts.  

When I started to try something different; not lying or doing harm, I started to see many different results.  Over time I started to see this new strategy was far superior to my anger and fear.  Now, when I need to separate from someone it’s not nearly as painful because I’m showing respect to the person I’m leaving and doing all I can to make it as peaceful as possible.   This allows me to not be afraid of moving on and knowing no matter how the other persons feel about my actions, I’ve done the best I could

Note:  Not lying in the context I’m referring to is to only share whatever truth I can that won’t belittle the other person.  This sometimes is the hardest part but it makes me think through why I have to leave and word it in a way that makes it about me, not them. …

Getting in Control

When our mind is clear things seem so easy.  But when life gets complicated, our minds can get stressed.  Being in control might be easy when things are good, but not so much when life gets complicated.  To be under control when it’s tough takes practice, like anything we want to be good at.  The easiest way I know to practice is to observe when I’m getting worked up by something.  When I notice I’m getting bothered and before I go over the edge, I try and ‘step back’ until I’m mentally settled down before I proceed.  Super improves decision making and helps to avoid stupid emotional actions.  It’s a simple process that’s working wonders for a lot of us.    …

Depression

All alone.  Not a good place to be when we’re depressed, but a place we seem to find when we are depressed.  Most of us suffer depression at one time or another.  Some of us are the lucky ones who don’t visit that city too often.  Suicides now out-number deaths by breast cancer and driving fatalities combined.  A prominent University is hanging nets under bridges students are using to commit suicide.  The largest increase in suicide is in the over 50 crowd.  Mass shootings, aside from terrorist attacks, seem to have separation and/or depression somewhere in the shadows.  It’s becoming clearer that mental health is becoming a major problem for society.  As automation and technology is drastically changing the workplace, the future is concerning.  Finding the answers to the issues of depression will benefit us all.  A big job for sure.  We can do an important part by reaching out and letting those we interact with know we value them.  Sending others your wonderful energy feels good and does them so much good.  When we as a society make supporting others more important than trolling and throwing shade on others, I believe then we’re headed in the right direction.  Unfortunately, not the normal human response.  Be different!!

Coach Bob-knowledge+action=success. @realchangecoach

The Power of Confidence

Confidence! Here’s a word which has many different uses. When I think of confidence, I equate it with a lack of fear. The more confident I feel, the less fear I feel. I can see why psychology is big on us having a ‘great’ self-image; the more we see ourselves as ‘great’ the more confident and the less fear we feel. That’s not to say when we’re confident the fear doesn’t try to creep in. Our ancient emotional system of fight or flee must certainly play at times. What allows us to have confidence is having the memories of being successful in our past. So, when the pressures of life start ‘squeezing’ us, we need to draw upon our successes in the past and block out the failures of our past. Not always easy to do, but practising vividly seeing our successes when the fear starts setting in, is a big step in the right direction! …

The Blame Game

The ‘Blame Game’ is something we’ve all done. We play when we’re in deep pain. At the moment we’re blaming we believe by blaming others it will alleviate our pain, but experience tells us differently. When we have the courage to look inward first before blaming, we’ll see the solution is inside us. Instead of blaming others; looking inward rather than outward is a brave first step. @realchangecoach…

Technology can be a bit overwhelming to us ‘old folk’

Technology can be a bit overwhelming to us ‘old folk’…lol. It’s amazing all the chances we have to expand our knowledge and save time with all the new technology. Yet, it can also seem so daunting we ‘back-off’ because we fear our ability to learn. I fought that feeling of fear for way too long and finally found a solution. Using new software programs as an example, I found someone who I could remotely share my screen with (using skype) and instead of me watching them, I had them tell me what to do. I needed to do the steps, not to watch and take notes. This eliminated all my fears and frustrations because the first time I did it, it worked!! Depending on how complex the new software was determined how many times I had to go through this shared screen process. I’m glad I refuse to let my fears and frustrations keep me from having a wonderful adventure. Climbing over our fears brings a whole new landscape into view. …

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